Pivot With Purpose Season 6 Episode 11 Hilary Phelps Full Transcript
Meghan Houle (00:03.678)
Hillary, thank you so much for being here with us today on Pivot With Purpose. I'm so honored to have this conversation with you. How are you doing today? Yeah. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (00:13.966)
Well, thanks for having me. Me too. I'm good. I'm good. I'm ready. I'm excited to talk to you. It's like a weekend, you know, like one of those.
Meghan Houle (00:21.118)
no, I can't wait. Yeah, I know well.
Hilary Phelps (00:27.758)
better place to talk now, which I'm happy about.
Meghan Houle (00:31.262)
I know. Well, how is, because I know this will come out in a timely manner, but we're just getting through 4th of July. How was your holiday weekend? I know you have a pretty big -ish family. Do you guys get together and do all like the 4th of July hoopla or what's your plan? Yeah, usually. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (00:50.511)
We're all spread out. My sister's here and she has two kids and then my brother's in Arizona and he has four boys. I have one son. My mom's up the street in Baltimore. But this year we kept it pretty low key. We just had some friends over for a barbecue and my partner grilled outside and it ended up down pouring. I'd like bless him. And you know, he's like, we're committed. And so when he brought all the food inside, he and our friend were just stoked.
Meghan Houle (01:02.75)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (01:17.71)
So we moved the party inside and had food and ate ice cream. It was great. And watched fireworks from our place. You can see them over the Washington Monument from where we live. And so it was nice. How was yours?
Meghan Houle (01:19.294)
Yeah. So fun. Yeah. Amazing.
Meghan Houle (01:30.558)
That's pretty awesome. I know. No, the same. I mean, being in downtown Boston, kept it low key because I've been traveling like a crazy person. So I'm like, I'm not going, I don't want to pack one more bag. Hillary, you know those like moments where you're like, I don't want to make, like I will go rogue on the road. Like I don't want makeup. Like don't put me in a bag again. So that was my thing. And we can from our front balcony.
see the Boston Pops fireworks, which, you know, they put on TV locally here, literally just from the balcony. So it's super convenient. And yeah, just just to chill, walk around, you know, like, and then here we are deep into July. We're ready. We're going to the back half of the year. The calendar is flipped. I always have this like day by day, like 360 calendar, of course has cats in it. If you've been following me for a bit, like cats are like, you know,
Hilary Phelps (02:12.27)
And here we go.
Meghan Houle (02:25.182)
my vibes. So it's like, time to flip the calendar. I'm like, wow, we're in the back half of this year. We better get serious. So with that, it's been a year, Hillary. I don't know how you've been feeling. But tell us a little bit about where are we catching you here and now? What are you up to, maybe for the listeners beyond the intro, as I intro you in here? What's going on with your world? How is business?
How have the first six months been? Just like dial it all in there, yeah.
Hilary Phelps (02:56.174)
So it's funny, my partner and I, you know, in 2023 was...
I say it's a growth year, right? Like challenging, we've really used it to grow and we're like 2024, it is gonna be, it's it. Like it's gonna be smooth, like after that it's gonna be great. And we've welcomed a lot of challenges and learning experiences this year as well. And it, you know, kind of it goes, it's been going from there. But I think the best thing about that is like, you know, when you put in, and this sounds so funny and a lot of people say, like when you put in the work,
Meghan Houle (03:24.638)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (03:31.502)
it kind of changes my mind frame from why is this happening to me to how can I use this to inform my decisions moving forward? How can I use this to grow and heal as a person? I have this particularly challenging person in my life and instead of looking at him and saying like, I feel like this person is my greatest teacher because he shows me all the spaces where I still need to heal. Like maybe I need to have more empathy or patience or, you know.
any of those things. But, you know, so we're coming in today with, you know, but then again, like I get to use a lot of those things in my work with women, which, you know, I want to decrease the shame around things like, you know, sobriety and addiction and divorce and abuse and things like that. Because I think as women, we kind of like
Meghan Houle (04:06.174)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (04:26.766)
Okay, I can figure this out on my own. And so I really love giving women that platform to be able to show up as is and say, I see you, I love you, I got you.
Meghan Houle (04:34.078)
Yeah, yeah. that's so beautiful. No, and I think like even four years after this pandemic, it's still so heavy, right? Like, and I just feel like people, yeah, it's been the kind of the resounding message. I think we're always super hopeful in the beginning of any year, although I'm not a huge person on resolutions. I'm like, let's go. Let's just like keep going.
But I definitely feel like there's a lot of ebbs and flows in people's businesses, relationships, deterioration of relationships, almost like a rebirth. Like a lot of women I know right now, Hillary, have recently gotten divorced or I'm like, there's this like uprising of women rebirthing. Like I'm not taking this anymore, which great for all of us because I think, and I asked my husband.
this the other day. I'm a child of divorce. My parents got divorced at a very young age. So I was like a latchkey kid at home at seven, you know, lighting candles and like making my own lunch and whatever. I mean, the very independent woman today because of that. But, you know, I didn't have like this happy like childhood home and
My husband very, very different, like married for 50 plus years, like everyone together, we met in high school. So it's like opposites attract, I guess, Hillary. So the things I've dealt with, he doesn't really know that much of like from a childhood point of view, but learning a lot from me. I'm like, you know, divorce, like, yeah, when do you get to that point where you're just like, I'm good, you know, and I think it's a commitment that you make. And obviously, some people take it super seriously and stay in like terrible relationships just to kind of keep.
that going, like you said, with a shame around getting divorced. But I also think people are like, no, like I've had it. Are you dealing with a lot of women that you've seen like recently or this year that are really in this like rebirth phase and making some pivots of their own, you know, to highlight the podcast? Yeah. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (06:27.726)
Yes. Yes, 100%. Because I think I feel like you kind of said and kind of alluded to, I feel like there's this uprising of feminine empowerment, like taking back our femininity and claiming like, it's OK to be me. And I think, and not to go to like for the longest time, like years ago, I read this recently, that women didn't get divorced. Everyone's like, women are getting divorced. They're taking it so much more lax and it's not serious.
It's like 50 years ago, women couldn't get divorced because they couldn't buy a home, they couldn't get a credit card. And now we're giving women the tools and the power to choose themselves. And I think that's a beautiful thing. I think, you know, and I never thought of myself as a feminist. And I don't know that I'm, you know, this angry like, wow. But I do think that females, women, are equally as important and their opinions are equally as important and their desires and their wants and their needs. And, you know, there's this...
Women are, we're told to be a certain way too. And I've shared this almost with anybody that will listen. Women That Run With The Wolves is this beautiful book that talks about like, we're told we're should, you should be a certain way. Culture, society, family, all of these things tell us we should be. You shouldn't like sex, you shouldn't like to eat too much food, you shouldn't talk about money because it's rude. That's what the men do. It's like...
Meghan Houle (07:45.246)
Mm -hmm.
Hilary Phelps (07:46.638)
What about if I like making money? What if that makes me feel good and gives me purpose? That's OK. What if I enjoy sex? Does that mean I'm a horrible word that people choose to say? Does that make me a bad person? What if I want to eat cake? It doesn't make me anything other than who I am. And so I think what I work with women on is kind of getting rid of those shoulds that ought life. I ought to be doing this. I ought to be or I should be.
And what is it that I actually want, like getting into that, like that tuning of our intuition, because women are so nurturing and have this really strong intuition. And we shut it, we shut it down, right? And for a long time, I shut mine down and let somebody else's voice be louder than mine, because I was like, well, I didn't have the confidence to say it's okay to be me in every iteration. And maybe that's age, maybe that's the fact that I'm sober, maybe it's I've done a lot of work, whatever it is. But I got to that point where I was like, my voice is 100 % acceptable.
Meghan Houle (08:27.134)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (08:44.878)
as it is. It's a lot of work.
Meghan Houle (08:46.814)
and it's crazy going back in like I I've had, I kind of had an uprising early 2020. I actually was thinking about this other day. I get a lot of like divine downloads and I know you were an athlete early on and we'll like jump into all your early pivots, but I'm like, I'm always in like soul cycle kind of cooking up something where, you know, the teacher is like,
if it's too easy or your mind is wandering, turn up the resistance. I'm like, no, like I'm creating businesses in soul cycle. So I had this like a bifidiny like in soul cycle, you know, about thinking back to my voice, like you said, with the confidence and these like kind of pillar years where in my twenties, I was like a hot mess express and then you're broke and sad and like following around party friends and blah, blah, blah.
right, living through the decisions of others or in scarcity mode, full on scarcity survival mode. That was me for a good half of my life. My 30s were like all about surgeries, like unfortunately I had injuries and like all these major surgeries that were around like, and I'm also childless, let me just say that. So women should, could, would, you know, there's a lot of shame around being a woman and not having kids and in families with kids and your worth not seeming enough because.
Hilary Phelps (09:37.07)
Okay.
Meghan Houle (09:58.974)
well, how can you be tired? You don't have a kid or how can you do this? You don't have a kid or you're flexible. You don't have a kid. I'm like, my God, don't get me started there. But you know, that was my 30s where I think it was a pivotal moment of like, OK, universe, like, is this going to happen for me? And unfortunately, I was dealing with a ton of health things. And then, you know, I think I think it wasn't until I turned 40 where I found my voice. So you want to talk about January 20, 20. I remember posting this like fierce photo.
of me, we're in California, and I'm like, I'm going to be all these things. Most of them I've conquered, Hillary. So thank you, universe of manifestations and action. But I also feel like for so long working in corporate America or just being that nice girl that doesn't ruffle anybody's feathers, I was in this persona of like, you know, Megan, just go with the flow and just put your head down to your job. But it's crazy how when you start to get loud,
that loudness doesn't serve others around you, how the shifts and the change can really start to affect. And then you build this confidence of, no, I was like that anymore, but I'm not putting up with it. Or I'm not going to not say this because it's going to make you uncomfortable. This is how I feel. So I think 40s have been pretty magical for me, not only in finding my voice, but then being able to harness it, and then also being able to help others because of that kind of like.
journey. So that was my soul cycle down that I'm like, damn, I waited 40 years. But we all have our own journeys, right. But ladies like, find your boys. I'm sure you deal with a lot of women like that too, right? What's coming through for you recently for some of your clients that you work with in that? Yeah, is it later on in life, you feel like people are really tapping in? Yeah. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (11:44.078)
It is. It's not like, yeah, because it's like, I feel like I'm not wasted. But so many of my earlier years were, like you said, given to other people or allowing that other person's voice to be louder than mine. And then you kind of have a wake up. You have this awakening at some point and say, OK, this is no longer OK with me or I want better and I deserve better. And so in that moment, it's like, what do you know, and the women I work with? I'm going to get them. It's it's awareness.
acknowledgement, acceptance, and then action. Because you have to be aware of it, aware of whatever it is, aware that I'm not listening to my own voice, aware that I'm allowing people to treat me a certain way, aware that I'm in a job that I don't really like. And then you have to acknowledge it, because you can be aware of it and not acknowledge it. And you can just be like, OK, I'm just going to stuff that down or ignore it or whatever. And then you have to accept it and be like, OK, this is how it is. And then you can bring action to change it.
Meghan Houle (12:16.798)
Yes.
Hilary Phelps (12:40.622)
And so that's something that I see with a lot of women. It depends on where you kind of are in that space. And you can be at different places along that spectrum with different things, right? Like maybe a job, it's like, no, I actually love it. Or a relationship, you're kind of in that, I know this isn't what I want, but I'm not ready to really look at it or acknowledgement or with sobriety. I've acknowledged this. I'm aware of it. I acknowledge it. I accept it. Now I'm ready to make a change. And so I think there are kind of different levels to that.
Meghan Houle (13:09.47)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (13:10.094)
A lot of the women say, I feel like I've lost myself somewhere along the way. And so whether that is in a relationship or we lose ourselves in our purpose. And so you talk about motherhood. The only thing I ever wanted in life was to be a mom. I didn't really have career ambitions. I just, that nurturing in my soul to be a mom. I had trouble getting there.
Meghan Houle (13:23.614)
Okay.
Meghan Houle (13:31.742)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (13:39.47)
With that came a huge rebirth, you know, like having a child because all of a sudden I'm like, I'm going to protect this little person with everything I have. And what that showed me in some of the work I've been doing a lot lately and a lot of the work I do with others is that inner child. Because at some point I abandoned that inner child inside of me and said, just be quiet. Just you know what, your needs are too much. And I would never talk to my child like that. So for me, having a having a child.
Meghan Houle (13:55.582)
Yes.
Hilary Phelps (14:08.398)
made me really refocused on the way I was speaking to myself. Because the things I was saying to myself, I would never in a million years say to my child. And so then that's a lot of work. And that's where I find a lot of women are too. It's the inner child and the nervous system regulation. Because for a long time, I was doing all the work. I'm certified in breath work, meditation, mindfulness yoga, Pilates, reflexology, reiki. Like I have all of this stuff, but I still wasn't feeling really grounded. And so when still I started studying and working with a somatic therapist,
Meghan Houle (14:15.326)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (14:36.462)
ground that nervous system where all of that work can land. Because without that, it was like a pin, it was just pinging off of me and it would work for a minute. I'm like, it's not enough. And I would keep searching for things that would like, I just wanted to feel grounded and happy and joyful, not every day, but I wanted to be able to have that touch point. And so once I found that, and so now I bring that to the women I work with too, through the Socomi method, the nervous system regulation, like find where is it in our body? Because we disconnect our brain in our bodies.
Meghan Houle (14:40.286)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (14:46.782)
Sorry.
Meghan Houle (14:54.942)
Right.
Meghan Houle (15:05.886)
I'm gonna sue you.
Hilary Phelps (15:06.03)
And as an athlete, you said you were an athlete, like, it's all mind, right? Like, I can get through this. I'm going to dissociate in this moment to achieve this task. And so that's what I learned moving forward, you know, within life. I mean, sports taught me so many great things, but that thing was to dissociate from everything else that was going on. Parents' divorce, bullying, drinking, eating disorders, all of these things. I can push that stuff aside because I have this task to focus on. And then at some point, we lose that connection, that brain.
Meghan Houle (15:17.982)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (15:23.934)
Right. Right.
Hilary Phelps (15:34.574)
body connection and our brain is the nervous system, you know, the vagal nerve, all of those things that teach us anxiety, depression, autoimmune disorder, all of those things. And so a long answer to say I had to get back to that.
Meghan Houle (15:46.398)
No, it's so powerful though. No, because that's so sitting with me, not as cool as an athlete or as great as you were, but sports, but then also I think my dissociation was like work, like being in survival mode and no matter what else was going on. And I feel like it's like those days where you broke up with your ex -boyfriend for the 17th millionth time or you have toxic friends, relationships.
Hilary Phelps (16:00.206)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (16:13.118)
You literally drive to work and you're blasting some kind of hate music, Alanis Mork said, like, yeah. And then you get in to work and you're like, boom, Jekyll and Hyde. And you're like, hi, guys, everything's great. And it's almost like the step for a wife moment where you have no idea what's going on behind the scenes. And it's tough in service and front -facing retail. No one cares that your cat died or whatever. You're out there, you're working, you have to just kind of perform, Hillary, right?
So I was in very much performance mode and dissociation, but that is, I mean, it's so interesting and I am very terrible at like doing calm things. You can't already tell. I'm just like, but my husband's like, maybe you can just go to acupuncture. I'm like, no, I think it's like more than that, but love you Mike. So that's pretty powerful. And I'm sure the women that are working with you are so lucky. I feel like I need to.
work with you, but you're probably like, Megan, no, no, you need more now. I'm just kidding. Yeah. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (17:14.702)
I really love to work with you. Well, what you're describing too is like this mask, right? And so, so many of us walk through life and we walk out the door and we put a mask on and we see people and we're like, everything is great. Yeah. But then you blow up at the Starbucks person or the coffee person because it gets your order wrong because it's building up inside of you and we haven't been able to process it and deal with it.
Meghan Houle (17:26.526)
yeah. Yeah. It's in there.
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (17:33.87)
And so the idea is to be able, right? And so working with a coach or working, so we have groups and one -on -one and so working in that space, it creates a psychological safe space for you to take off the mask and start getting in touch with yourself. And then through micro changes, you can just leave that mask at home, right? Over the course of time, you can just show up as you are, but that, it's a lot and it takes a lot because it's not only you, it's also, as you said, like looking at your community around you and you have supportive friends.
Meghan Houle (17:52.414)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (17:56.062)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (18:03.406)
Or are they toxic? Do you have a supportive partner? Or are they toxic? What is your family dynamic like? Because we talk about, and you alluded to this, boundaries too. Boundaries are so important. But if I sacrifice my own inner boundaries by ignoring my inner child or my needs, then I'm never going to meet anybody else's ever. And so then putting up those inner boundaries with ourself is the first step. And then being able to put those outer boundaries up. Because those outer boundaries are, we laugh, and it's the only people that
Meghan Houle (18:06.622)
Right.
Meghan Houle (18:22.91)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (18:32.398)
benefited. The only people are mad you now have boundaries are the ones that used to benefit from not having. And then those, you know, and so it's hard. And so I love the community, you know, the community aspect for me is really important to having people around you that remind you of your goodness, and your light and your joy. And sometimes that means getting rid of friends. And that's, that's hard. That's hard, too.
Meghan Houle (18:36.03)
that benefited. Yeah. Yeah.
I know.
Meghan Houle (18:50.622)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (18:54.526)
friends that it is. But if it's that, as we say, the one -way street and like a constant drain and energy suck, it's like you got to cut ties and pivot purpose with your friends group and your community. So, well, thank you for sharing all of that. And I feel like early, Hillary, like I would love to dive in, you know, to the foundation of
Hilary Phelps (19:07.054)
of it.
Meghan Houle (19:18.014)
There are some juicy pivots in there of just your personal journey struggles, which resonate with me so much as well. But as you were saying, early on, at a very young age, you're an athlete, kind of like thrust it into being a top performer and swimming. And I think then very early on, kind of got caught into this world of addiction where now I know you're 17 plus, you're sober. But talk to us about those early beginnings.
Where was Hillary, you know, back when you were 14, like what were you doing? And like, where was that big pivotal moment for you that kind of set you on the journey to where you are today? Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (19:57.742)
Yeah, I mean, I think like little, little Hillary was just curious and smart and happy and loves people. And I was smart, got straight A's, it was the fastest summer in the country. I had all of the outside things that looked really good. But there was this internal struggle that said, you know, you're not good enough the way you are. Even though I had all the external things, right. And so that what I just said, going back to the internal safety and I couldn't find that. And so I looked for connection and I needed validation and I couldn't, I couldn't find it.
And I'll preface this by saying I adore my parents. I love them. They are amazing. They're supportive. But I felt like I was too much for one, and I felt like I was not enough for another. And that's raising children. You do the best you can. They both came from, it's the generation. And so for me, I would look for that connection. And I couldn't find it. So when I found alcohol at an early age and drugs,
it gave me that relief that I was looking for because I was like, and I don't remember if I just didn't care about the connection or if it gave me a pseudo, you know, care, like a pseudo, okay, well, this feels good. And I can, I'm connecting with my drug, connecting with my alcohol, which sounds funny, but eventually it becomes that one thing that you can always go to. And so it was that best friend. It was that partner. It was everything. When I started drinking and using drugs at 14,
My swimming deteriorated, my grades deteriorated. I was in GT, which is gifted and talented English. I was moved down to remedial English, you know. And part of that felt really shameful. And so I had two choices. Like with anything, I could acknowledge it and say, okay, I'm gonna make a change or I can say, F it, I'm gonna ride this out. And so with a lot of those things, I just said, F it, I'm gonna ride it out. Don't care. Because that was easier.
Meghan Houle (21:45.982)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (21:53.23)
That was easier, softer way. I could just do that. I could just continue to drink. I could just be that person. And that continued until I was 29. And so that looked like a lot of blackout drinking. And I stayed out drinking longer than I think I would have because I say just a wine drinker. And I didn't know anybody that had gone to rehab. I didn't know anybody that identified having substance use disorder addiction. And I thought it was a
a weakness. I thought it was a willpower thing. You know, I was like, well, I could quit if I wanted, but I don't want to. You know, the more I've educated myself and the more I've learned and the more women I work with, it is a disease. It's a brain disease that, you know, and people that don't understand it are like, well, how can you just, why don't you just stop? I'm like, it's a physical craving. It's an emotional craving. It's a mental craving. There's spiritual depletion. There's, it's just gone. And so it's the one thing. And until I could acknowledge like, this is not no longer okay.
Meghan Houle (22:27.806)
you
Meghan Houle (22:38.846)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (22:51.022)
There is no changing it.
Meghan Houle (22:53.534)
like anything. And I mean, did you struggle with eating disorders too, like early on when you were younger as a swimmer, like with body image and things like that? Yeah, just curious. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (23:04.302)
Body for sure. I know people that had severe eating disorders and so I won't say that I did. I definitely counted calories and probably had an unhealthy view of food. One of our coaches, which I really hope they don't do this anymore, but they would weigh us in front of everybody when we were 12 and 13. They'd be like, well, you gained two pounds from last week.
Meghan Houle (23:13.47)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Meghan Houle (23:25.374)
God, that's like my worst nightmare. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hilary Phelps (23:33.134)
And so if you gained weight, they would take an empty milk jug and fill it with water and make you tread water with your hands above your head, just using your feet. And they'd be like, this is what it feels like to gain 10 pounds. Don't eat that French fry. Don't do it. And you're just like, trying to stay in the water. And so it's like the shame, right? It's like shame from an early age. And even now, I look back on photos when I was in shape and I was just an Iron Man. I was doing a lot of yoga. And I would look at pictures then and say, I'm
Meghan Houle (23:46.718)
wow, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hilary Phelps (24:02.958)
I need to be better. I need to lose weight. I can see that there and this there. But now I look back and I'm like, you're in great shape. You look amazing. And so trying to change that now and say, I'm great the way I am as long as I'm healthy and showing up. But I think it's pretty common on female athletes to at least have some sort of body image concerns or issues. Yeah. What about you?
Meghan Houle (24:09.758)
I know, I know.
Right? Yeah? Heck yeah.
Meghan Houle (24:22.398)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, just curious. Yeah, no, same. I did have some major eating disorders for sure. You know, mostly early on around your same age for addiction like 13, 14 with anorexia for years. And I think just like anything, and I was very lucky where I had this like flip switch, Hillary, where I didn't want to be cold and hungry anymore.
you know, in like the lay, lay, layest terms of possible. But I mean, that's what it is. It's like, really, you're restricting so much where, you know, I had no energy to play with my friends or like ride my bike and counting calories. And like, you're talking about like the 90s, where there were no like calories on like cereal boxes or anything back in the day. So you'd be in like the grocery store, like looking through those like calorie books or whatever. I'm just like, my God, it was like wild. But I think that at some point, there's just a lot of people that don't get it. They're like, just eat.
Hilary Phelps (25:11.502)
my gosh, you're done.
Meghan Houle (25:18.398)
just eat this or just like stop or just, and you're like, no, that's not like how my brain is wired. And to be quite honest, like, and I'm probably, you know, to this day is a detriment, but like, I didn't really subscribe to that therapy. You know, the school nurse would like weigh me and then they, you know, call my family and they're like, well, this isn't good. And she needs to go to therapy. So it was almost like school regulated therapy just for like a compliance thing. But I, you know, you feel like you didn't have a problem. You're like, well, it's fine. Like I'm going to be fine.
Hilary Phelps (25:31.054)
Thank you.
Meghan Houle (25:47.102)
But for me, I think it was like a safety thing where I kind of got into an environment where I felt safe and then I'm like, okay, what I'm doing is like, it's not serving me anymore. And that was at a very young age. But for you, I mean, from 14 to 29, was there that pivotal moment that really led you to seek help and what was going through your mind at that time? Or was it like a flip switch or like?
What did that moment look like for you where you're like, this isn't it anymore? Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (26:17.933)
Yeah, and I want to totally acknowledge what you just said too. Anything like an eating disorder, OCD, addiction, all of those things are ways for us to create outer safety, right? Because we can't calm the inner chaos, and so we do things like those external validations or external accomplishments or things to try to create safety inside of our body and inside our nervous system and inside ourselves. So you're spot on, whether it's that addiction, eating disorder, or just things so...
I don't want to say common, but are not uncommon among that age group. So when I was 29, I knew I had drank differently. And when I was a senior in college, my friends came to me and they were like, we're really concerned about your drinking. I was blacking out. I was making really bad decisions. I was not a nice woman. I would cheat on my boyfriend every time I got black out drunk and could not remember. And I'm like, well, I don't remember. And that was kind of the excuse.
sober, that's not who I was. And so it was at Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, like I just became a different person. And so they brought that to my attention, like, we're really concerned about you. And I was like, you don't have to be my friend. You know, and luckily they're, I mean, we're still friends today and luckily they, they stuck by me and, but they started addressing concern then when I was 22. And so after college I got out and I was like, well, this is, well, that was what you did in college. Right. So I kind of made an excuse for it. And then after college, I'm like,
Meghan Houle (27:28.35)
Right.
Hilary Phelps (27:45.454)
Well, I'm in my 20s, I'm not married, I shouldn't be going to happy hour and bars. But for me, again, every time I put alcohol in my body, I'd black out and forget what happened the night before and that started becoming really scary. And then it was in a relationship with someone and we broke up and he had called, I was living by myself for the first time, no roommates, no, I was just on my own and I was living, it was 10 days in Washington, DC and it was a disaster getting kicked out of bars. I don't know who I was.
Meghan Houle (27:56.83)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (28:14.446)
It was the flip phone era. And so, and he actually called me one day and it's like, if you don't get help for this, because I'd tried to go to 12 step meetings a couple of times, I'd started therapy. I just wasn't ready to give it up. And that's the really frustrating thing about the people that love you, you know, because they're like, they can see this and they want to help you and it's just not.
Meghan Houle (28:16.478)
yeah.
Hilary Phelps (28:35.406)
And so he said, I'm going to tell your family. I'm going to them. I'm going to tell them how bad it is, how bad it really is, because I could hide it and I could sneak it when I wasn't with them. And so, again, being one person putting that mask on when I was in public and they knew I drank a lot. And they, you know, my mom and my dad were kind of like, we don't want to be around you when you're drinking like this. And I was like, OK, well, then I just won't drink like this around you. And so then I would do it when I get home. But relationships hot. And that felt really shameful. And I still wanted to kind of hide that. And I still wanted to.
Meghan Houle (28:54.11)
Right? Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (29:05.806)
keep it a secret. And so I agreed to check in to outpatient because I was like, inpatient is for people that have real problems. Like, I don't have a real problem. I just have a little maybe a little. And so I agreed to do that. And so I called, I Googled a couple of places in Washington, DC and went in not knowing that it would truly lead to true sobriety, to being sober and to recovery.
But what they did in recovery that I didn't understand a lot of people just get is this idea of feelings management. So for somebody like me that struggles with drugs and alcohol and addiction, feelings are triggers. That's what leads me back out because feelings aren't necessarily true. Meaning somebody could look at me a funny way and I can be like, well, they hate me. They think I'm stupid. They think they.
Meghan Houle (29:52.734)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (29:59.79)
And that feeling then becomes a story and that story would consume me and that would lead me to go back. Well, I must drink because that person, that random stranger doesn't like me. Meanwhile, they could just be glancing into the sun. You know what I mean? So we start telling ourselves these things. And so what I had to learn to do is to manage my feelings and say, feelings aren't facts. And they don't need to be the impetus for drinking or a drug or something external thing to help me on the inside.
Meghan Houle (30:11.198)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (30:27.502)
Because again, like we're talking about the external safety, like that's what a lot of us do. We use social media, we use drinking, we use food, we use sex, we use shopping, we use Amazon, right? I feel bad.
Meghan Houle (30:40.446)
Right? my God, how therapeutic is this? Like, boom, you know? And then you get all the deliveries, you're like, what did I do? What is this? Yeah. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (30:48.334)
There's the guilt, right? You get a dopamine hit with like, I have to feel better. Yeah, I feel better. And then there's the guilt and the shame that comes after it. And so I had to learn, I had to learn all those things that some people, normal people just get, you know? And so, but I was at a point and, you know, and when I was there,
Meghan Houle (30:54.462)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (31:08.398)
Because I had learned from an early age too, my mom will attest to this, like you don't talk about your feelings, you stuff them down. If you just pretend it's not there, it'll go away. And so I had this kind of like ostrich head in the sand type mentality of if I just ignored it, it'll go away. And so when I was in treatment, they said, you know, we're going around the room and we did this check in and I remember being like.
I'm crying and I'm trying to hold it together and they get to me and they're like, what's going on? And through tears and like sobs, I'm like, I'm great. I'm really good today. And they're like, really? Are you? Are you?
Meghan Houle (31:44.926)
It's like the Taylor Swift song. I cry a lot, but I am so productive. You're like, that song resonates with me. Like I die every time you're like, my God, it's amazing still to this day. But it's so crazy. The feelings thing. And I'm like, I very much had a family of years too of like, we don't talk about emotions. We push it down. You know, I was raised by my dad who, you know, girl dad, my dad was also just getting by. Like to this day, I'm not a huge crier. There were definitely years where I was and you let it out.
But honestly, Hillary, when I cry, like, watch out. Like, if I'm going to get upset now. But I think it's like because you hold it all back. But yeah, you want to be like strong. You're like, I got this. But it's just, that's so tough. Because I've been there too, where you just want to like let it out. But you're just, you're suppressing it all. You know? Yeah. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (32:33.134)
And I'm super sensitive. Yeah, I mean, I'm a Pisces Sun, Cancer Moon, Scorpio rising. I'm all water. So I am like super sensitive, super emotional. I mean, now I don't care. Like I cry at the coffee shop if I'm having a really like conversation.
Meghan Houle (32:39.87)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (32:45.854)
I cry at like commercials. I cry at like award shows. I mean, you can relate the Olympics. I'm like, I'm so happy for them. What's wrong with you? Simone Biles, I was like crying the other day with like the gymnastics team. I'm like, they're gonna do it. You know, but no, but I'm very emotional now. Yeah, it's nice. I'm happy for people. I just get happy. I'm happy for you. Cry at the end of this. No, but so with that.
Hilary Phelps (33:01.006)
It's such a relief.
Meghan Houle (33:14.27)
like release and being in the group. You know, moving on, do you feel like, was it like highs and lows journey like after rehab? And then I think for you, just kind of reading through your story, there were so many years where you hit it too, right? And not wanting to go public and like sharing your journey or not hitting, hiding it, but just like not talking about it. And there's like a pivotal moment or a platform opportunity where
Hilary Phelps (33:24.27)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm.
Meghan Houle (33:41.022)
you just really were like, I need to talk about this. So what did that look like for you after your time and feeling comfortable like really sharing what you've been through? Yeah, what did that look like for you?
Hilary Phelps (33:52.078)
Yes. I got sober in 2007 and there were not a lot of people, especially women, talking about recovery. There were two books, Carolyn Knapp, Drinking a Love Story, and I'm sure there are more. I'm not saying that's it, and Carrie Fisher. But really there wasn't the quit -lit there is today. There weren't online platforms to support women. I knew nobody who was in recovery and got sober except a friend of mine in California who helped me, but nobody local. I walked in the meetings by myself and that felt really intimidating.
And it's, I mean, there's such a disparity, there's such, my gosh, my brain. There's a discrepancy in numbers when it comes to men and women. It's two and a half men to every one woman seeks help for her addiction. Even though the number of female drinking and drug use is on the rise and we're catching up to men. And so I still felt a lot of shame. And so when I got sober, I kept it really quiet. I mean, my college friends knew because they saw me drinking and now I wasn't.
Meghan Houle (34:51.71)
Right.
Hilary Phelps (34:52.43)
But as I started to make friends, just in the community and outside of the recovery space, I just didn't tell them. You know, I was Ironman, Division One swimmer, I'm certified in yoga and Pilates. I have all this like health and wellness. And so they just like, you just don't drink. But for me, I was in a relationship where I was told repeatedly, your addiction is embarrassing. And if you share, you will bring shame on this family.
And so in 2022, when I started sharing that relationship had ended. And so I had this moment where I kind of like you talk about the download. I was like 15 years, 15 years sober. That's a good time behind me. I've done the work. I haven't touched a drink, drug or alcohol in that amount of time. Like this is, this is pretty remarkable. And then I was presented with an opportunity where a friend of mine had a podcast that I went to college with.
Meghan Houle (35:36.67)
Mm -hmm.
Meghan Houle (35:40.702)
Mm -hmm.
Hilary Phelps (35:53.39)
And I'd reached out to him when he got sober. And he's like, hey, I'd love to share your story. And I remember thinking, who wants to hear my story? Why? And he's like, I think you could help. And it was then the numbers were increasing after COVID. All of this stuff was all the numbers. And I was like, that download, if I can help one woman feel less alone. I'm like, I have 15 years and I feel this way. So what about the woman that's trying to get sober or has one week or one month or one year or can't?
Meghan Houle (35:56.894)
Mmm.
Meghan Houle (36:13.79)
Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (36:22.254)
just can't get it to stick or feels like she's drinking too much wine. If I can reach that one person, then that's great. That's it. And so that's when I decided to share my story. Cause I'm like, I don't have the luxury to stay silent anymore. Cause if I feel shame, what am I saying about those women? Cause it's not shameful. It's not embarrassing. So then I started sharing and that was a huge pivot in my professional career and my personal life.
Meghan Houle (36:39.294)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (36:44.414)
I bet. I mean, what do you feel like was the most rewarding part of sharing your story? And have there been any surprising or meaningful reactions from people after you had shared? Yeah, what was that look like for you? Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (36:58.638)
a lot.
I mean, and that's what kind of, I was like, this is more than just sharing my story. Because when I got in return was, you know, my brother died by suicide because he couldn't get sober. Thank you for sharing. My mother couldn't get sober and it was really hard. Your son's so lucky that you're sober and present. That was the best. When children of alcohol,
Meghan Houle (37:07.518)
Mm -hmm.
Hilary Phelps (37:26.126)
would reach out and say, your son is so lucky to have a sober parent because my parent couldn't get it. Or women that would reach out and say, your story is just like mine. I'd only drink wine, so I didn't really think it was a problem because I'm not drinking liquor in my car before I pick my kids up from school. And it looks different. And so that's why I think the more people that share their story, the more people can relate to, wait, I had those same feelings. I've thought maybe I have a problem, but
If she can do it, I can do it too. And so that idea of just being able to help somebody see themselves or see their story and my story, whatever it is, you know, resonate. I wanted to give people that, you know, that hope that's possible.
Meghan Houle (38:10.398)
and how timely now I feel like more and more people, and quite honestly, it was towards the end of last year and beginning of this year, have, you know, were sober curious and then like fully are not drinking anymore. And it's crazy to see also society flipping with more non -alcoholic choices. There's like mocktails on all the restaurant menus, you know, so I think embracing this bigger community of people that are like,
that lifestyle doesn't serve me. It's nice to see because I think at some point the isolation of, and like you opened up your story and the door and now you work with people and you're a speaker and everything. It's like, I think the loneliness and feeling alone and like shame of like, am I the only person struggling with this? When I think like America, the world is showing now like, okay, we're embracing this lifestyle. It's amazing.
Hilary Phelps (38:58.67)
Yes.
Meghan Houle (39:06.59)
It's just, it's pretty magical. But, you know, in pivoting to today, as I was saying, like you're a speaker, you're a recovery, you know, advocate, a writer, a wellness coach. What did that journey look like for you in sort of creating, you know, this business model you're offering, you know, all the things that you're growing for people to work with you one -on -one? And then how do you integrate your personal experiences? Like,
when you work with others, like talk to us a little bit about all that you're doing today now to like keep your voice and helping people out there, you know, going strong. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (39:42.222)
I think the personal story, like I've done professional certifications and studies and license it, like all of this stuff. So I have that. But I think the personal story and the fact that I've walked through the fire also gives women the confidence to know that I can do it too, or that they can do it too. You know what I mean? It's like, I know exactly what you're feeling when you talk about trying to get sober, leaving a toxic relationship, going from...
corporate entrepreneurship. Like I have, I've done all of these things. And so there's a little bit more support than just the like cut and paste, like do this, do that, do this, do that. And so when I left, you know, I got divorced and my divorce was finalized in 2022. I worked with a, I started working with a coach in 2021 because I was just dysregulated. I was in fight, flight, freezer, fawn, rotating at every given moment. There's a lot of...
toxicity and manipulation that was going on. And so I'd completely lost myself. Even though I was sober, I lost every ounce of who I was inside. My partner now is like, I can't imagine. And I'm like, you can't imagine. Every single bit of my soul had completely burned out. And so I worked with the coach to build that backup where I found my voice. I felt more sturdy in my convictions and my beliefs. I felt empowered.
to take control of my life and take responsibility for everything, good, the bad, the challenging, all of that. I really worked on shifting from a victim mindset to one of empowerment. So that's what we talked about in the beginning, like they're challenging people. Instead of saying like, this person's doing that, I say, I feel this way about it, and I'm gonna take my power back and use that empowerment to make a change. So it takes the power away from those external things and brings the power into myself.
But when I worked with this coat, it was so transformative and it was so helpful that I decided to then go through my own certification process. And it was six months and we go through the ICF, which is the credential, the Federation, blanking.
Meghan Houle (41:47.966)
-huh.
Yep, I did the same thing girl. In 2020, I was like, there's like a bigger population to serve on the career side. Mine's more on the career pivots, but yeah, you got to get the foundational training, right? Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (41:57.998)
Yes. Yeah. And people need help. Yes. And I still, as a coach, I've worked with a coach as I'm a coach. I work with a therapist. We always need some. I choose to work with people because it makes me a better person. And so in that way, Susan, I went through a holistic wellness certification course currently in a Hacombe.
Meghan Houle (42:07.998)
Same.
Meghan Houle (42:19.262)
Totally. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (42:27.182)
Method course, which is nervous system regulation and really slowing down and getting really, it's really more deep, deep inner work. It's, it's beautiful because I learned that from my therapist. I had found the therapist and I worked with her and I say she was the next level of healing. It's like recovery 2 .0 for me. And so I wanted to study that to be able to bring that to women. And so I've been able to accumulate these tools through knowledge and being able to share those with others.
Meghan Houle (42:35.07)
huh.
Hilary Phelps (42:55.31)
because it helped me so much. And that's what I, you know, that's honestly what I think about the days when I'm just like, you know, because we all have those days where we lack confidence or we lack motivation or we're just like, is this too much or is this not enough for whatever? And it's like, this isn't for me. Now it's to help other women because I know what it felt like to feel so alone in my skin. And I want to help as many people as possible.
Meghan Houle (43:01.406)
amazing.
Meghan Houle (43:21.47)
I love that. Well, for maybe somebody listening in to in this community of career professionals, everyone, Haley, let's face it, but I'm sure someone listening in could be struggling with either addiction, feeling lost, you know, maybe for your advice and inspiration, some questions. What advice would you give to somebody, you know, who maybe is in this moment of just feeling lost or really struggling? Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (43:51.438)
I always, you know, community can be a community of one, right? And so I always feel that one of the most important things is finding somebody that you trust as a sounding board. And sometimes that might not be a friend. You know, when I was going through my divorce, my friends were empathetic, but they didn't understand it. And that wasn't their fault. That was because they'd never experienced it. And so for me, I love connecting with somebody that's walked, walked through it or experienced it, whatever it is I'm going through. I mean, I have different, you know, WhatsApp group.
I have my board of directors that I talk to, like my good girlfriends that I can go to in anything, and I have a divorced mom's group, and I have, you know, like, and so if we, if I need something specific, I always have someone to go to. But I think the biggest thing is finding someone that you have that safety with, that you can just be you and show up with no judgment and just empathy and love.
Meghan Houle (44:45.534)
I love that. What strategies or practices have you found most helpful in maintaining sobriety and finding purpose?
Hilary Phelps (44:56.078)
They've evolved. So my first five years of sobriety and recovery looked a lot different than, you know, year 17. My first five years, I was doing 12 step every day. You know, I was I was doing a lot of that work. And then that opened the door to the kind of that next level of healing. And so the different tools that I've used, the standard tools I've used are that community, community, always community, community, community is so important.
For me now, somatic movements, like the breath work is really important, yoga is really important. I do a lot of nervous system regulation work, which looks different depending on what it is I need. And there's one more, an inner child. So every day I speak to my inner child. I try to tap into her and I say that as kind of that inner voice, but that's what I think of as my inner voice. And so if I go in and just...
I say, I got you. Like, I have you today. Your needs are important. And so that helps. But I journal. I mean, there's so many different things and different things I've used in the past. Journaling, affirmations, shifting the stories and the looping. I mean, it's a journey. It's a journey.
Meghan Houle (46:04.734)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (46:14.558)
Yeah, no, 100%. Well, and that we're all in different seasons at times, like where some, you know, you really get into a ritual routine that's like really working and then like anything like in life, like you might have to try something different because you get used to this one or you're not feeling as lit up or as joyful, you know, doing this anymore. And I always say to people I work with, and this applies to so many aspects in life, but nothing should ever feel forced.
Hilary Phelps (46:42.35)
Yes, agreed.
Meghan Houle (46:43.934)
I feel like when we're forcing something, whether it's a ritual, and again, and like a lot of that goes back into the shoulda, coulda, whatas, or listening to like somebody saying, you should be trying this, or you should be doing this, you know, whether it's like a gym routine or an interview process where, you know, I get in a lot of individuals that are just forcing these job applications because they just want to apply and they're not working or they're frustrated with their job and like nothing's coming from like a clarity point of view. It's more of like,
I have to do this and it's like so frantic and again, I can go back to like lifestyle things and you know to I love that and again, I need to practice more of like the slowing down and the intentionality and like, you know the self -awareness because even in those frantic moments I get myself, you know, I'm like Megan like check it like just chill. Just chill girl. Talk to my inner child like calm down. But you know, it's just like we shouldn't ever have to have anything that feels like forced so
Hilary Phelps (47:36.75)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (47:43.134)
For someone who is maybe challenged, like looking for hope or inspiration, I don't know, is there something like small that you feel like really helped you early on or just anyone listening in to like, maybe start here, here's a few rituals that you really love to do that you think that maybe somebody can maintain early on? Because I know some of the deep stuff. People get a little nervous about that at first. Like, I don't know if I want to talk to my other child. I'm scared. That's me.
Hilary Phelps (48:08.142)
He's angry. He's angry with me. Yeah.
Meghan Houle (48:11.198)
I don't know what's really helped you or what are some of the things even with like your early clients coming in of like, okay, we're going to start here because it can seem like overwhelming with like the big all the things, right? Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (48:21.478)
So with a lot of the women we do, we dive into core values and core beliefs. Because if you don't know what your core values are, we think we do. We're like, well, I like this and I like this. But then if you're like, okay, these are your core values, but this is the job that you're to your point that you're applying for. Do they fall into these core values? Do they know? Okay, well, why do you want to because I need to I need the money. And then that's the non flow, right? Because then you start applying and you're like, yeah, they don't.
Meghan Houle (48:26.142)
Okay.
Hilary Phelps (48:46.606)
you know, have the same beliefs, they don't have the same morals, they don't have, I don't like working here. It's like, okay, and same with a partner, same with a friend, right? Like you can join a running group and think that you all have the same ideas or same likes because you're in a running group. But then you realize their core values and beliefs are totally different. And it sounds like a lot, I mean, it sounds like that doesn't, that sounds like a lot of work, it's not. So I do that process with a lot of women, like let's figure out that is first, because then when you make decisions from your core values and your core belief,
things do feel like they're more in flow and it becomes, it is a practice, it's like anything, right? So that's something like one of the first things. One of the practices that I love, it is like my favorite, is getting quiet and just taking a minute and I put my hand on my heart and I close my eyes and it is a way to kind of tap in and I just say like, what do you need? What do you need? What?
Meghan Houle (49:23.614)
that.
Hilary Phelps (49:40.846)
And I say that over and over and over and over, right? And my brain will tell me like, this is stupid, stop. Why are you doing this? Who cares? You have to do this email. You've got to get this stop. And so just quieting that is challenging. But if it's something that you practice over and over again, so something then comes through for me, right? Whether it's a download, whether it's inner child, whether it's intuition, whatever. It's like, I need a nap. Or sometimes I'll burst into tears. Or sometimes I'm like, I miss my sister. I need to.
Meghan Houle (49:49.31)
yeah.
Hilary Phelps (50:08.302)
I think I want to call her today. You know, something will come through that might, that needs to be heard. But I have to kind of quiet that down and not, it's not what you want. Cause what I want to do is finish my, my to -do list or what I want to do, X, Y, Z. And so it's like, what do you need? And so it's kind of that first step into talking to that inner self and having that quiet patience to say like, what's going to come through and then acknowledging it and, and taking action on it.
Meghan Houle (50:11.806)
Mm -hmm.
Meghan Houle (50:19.87)
All right. All right.
Meghan Houle (50:33.758)
I love it.
Hilary Phelps (50:37.87)
And that's the first step for showing up for yourself too. Because we also abandon ourselves for other people. Like, I have to, you know, once I'm a perfect partner, I'm a perfect employee, I'm a perfect parent, I'm all of these things, then I'll get to my needs. And so just that one small thing gives, gives acknowledgement and awareness to myself for like, what do I need in this moment? And then I can start doing other things for other people.
Meghan Houle (50:38.142)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (51:00.35)
I love that. I'm gonna tag this and highlight it as a takeaway of this podcast. Everybody, I want you to sit with yourself, the quiet moments where I crave that. And I used to feel like, and I posted this like early on in March, I went to Hawaii after like a reckless three months to start off 2024, which is like.
wild Hillary. I was like, my God, where I just feel like I totally lost myself. So I post on Instagram, like I'm going to Hawaii to get my personality back. But the moments like a beach water, like I'm not a water, I'm like a Virgo. So was that earth? Like, I think I'm earth and fire. Surprise, surprise. But, you know, for me, like, I find a lot of peace being by the ocean, because my mom growing up was on Cape Cod. She still is. And that was my summer every, every summer.
Hilary Phelps (51:32.398)
I was.
Meghan Houle (51:50.366)
Swimming in the ocean. Now you can't even swim in the ocean because all the damn sharks and whatever, but that's a story for things, global warming, for all the great whites that are now in the Cape. I'm like, I'm never going in the ocean again. But for me, being by the ocean and having the calm, turn off the damn phone, leave it in, the work email, it's like, what do you need today? That's a pretty powerful exercise. So I love that so much. And I'm going to be doing that moving forward. So I'll keep you posted with how it goes. Check in.
Hilary Phelps (52:17.518)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (52:20.03)
But before I let you go and sharing all of your story and your journey of sobriety, embracing it, helping others through your journey of messaging and working with all these amazing women, what are you most excited about for your future personally and professionally as you continue to spread the message and support others? What do you got going on today that helps that? And then also what's the future look like and what are you really excited about? Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (52:49.902)
There's a lot. One, we're starting to build out, like, because I always wanted to help women where they are. And so some women, for some women, the deep, intimate one -on -one work just isn't available, whether it's time or financially. And so then from there, I created groups. And so now we have a group atmosphere where the collective energy is really powerful and helpful. And, you know, there's a lot of shared wisdom. That's really wonderful. But then some women also don't have the resources or the time available to do that.
Meghan Houle (52:59.806)
Right. Yeah, totally.
Meghan Houle (53:11.326)
I love that.
Hilary Phelps (53:17.902)
So we're launching a six week mindfulness challenge, which is really attainable for anybody, you know, like a lower price point, $37. So we're going to start kind of rolling out some of those to help women where they are. So anybody. So it's the tools that I use in the practice with the women. It's just a self -guided study. And so starting rolling out, we have 10 of those that are going to come out over the next couple of months. Like resilience, mindfulness, goals, healthy habits, things like that. So just to start that.
Meghan Houle (53:24.286)
Awesome. Yeah.
Meghan Houle (53:45.022)
I love that, yeah.
Hilary Phelps (53:47.822)
that healing for women. And then,
I have to share something that's really exciting. I just can't quite share it. I just signed some paperwork. I just signed some paperwork. So we'll see you later.
Meghan Houle (53:57.502)
Okay, a little teaser. Yeah. okay. So we're gonna check back in with you. I'll let you know how my practices are and then you need to spill the tea when the tea is capable of being spilled. Okay.
Hilary Phelps (54:12.494)
and I'll spill the tea. I just need, once I have some stuff due on Friday, so I'll have a little bit more information for that. Also launching a podcast called The Right Room with Hilary Phelps, where it's talking about women in transition and what transition as a challenge is. You know, any woman that's gone through a challenge, and we all have in those stories of what it was like, what the impetus was for change, and what it's like now, tools that they use to help share with women, whether it's, you know, one woman was,
Meghan Houle (54:19.23)
Awesome. Yay. Yeah.
Awesome.
Hilary Phelps (54:41.934)
fired from a high powered job and it was all over the front page of the newspaper. And so how did she, how was that for her? What did she do? How did she get through it? And so anything from that to stories of recovery or leaving toxic and abusive marriages or anything in between. And so we'll start highlighting stories of those women.
Meghan Houle (55:04.254)
Yeah, because I think in those stories sharing, as much as we share pivot stories here, there's somebody who finds himself not being alone or somebody who gets that advice of change management, how to navigate that in your life without going to negative external things, drugs, alcohol to suppress.
Hilary Phelps (55:05.646)
Yeah, super.
Hilary Phelps (55:21.326)
Mm -hmm.
Meghan Houle (55:26.238)
all that is going on that is just so chaotic. You're like, I can't even deal, so I'm just gonna drink or do, and all. But there's just like, no, here's what I did, and it was very public, and I'm still standing, and I'm moving forward, and I'm living a healthy lifestyle. So you, I'm sure, save lots of lives on the daily, and this work that you're doing is so powerful and so needed, and I love that you have the community aspect, because in all levels too with coaching, there's different investments, but I think
a big underlying message of this in your conversation is like find community, find people, and they can be in all different buckets. And I did a lot of self investing over the past couple of years, Hillary too, to get into new rooms, get around new friends, get around like -minded individuals. Like I can't handle small talk, like kill me. Like I would rather stay home than go to any event where someone's going to be like, what are you doing? And like, I'm in cute dress. I'm like, you can leave me alone.
But having bigger conversations that help us grow and be inspired. And for anybody that's an entrepreneurial soul listening in, it's like there has been this rise in entrepreneurship with women that want to take back the power that they have in their career and their jobs. And it's not freaking easy. You've been doing it for years and years, right? So it's just like having a community that someone can feel safe, show up. Podcasts are so great where people can learn and like,
you know, kind of like quick nuggets and connect with others. Like the connection of people in podcasts with other people in podcasts. It's pretty beautiful when you kind of like find those birds of a feather. We stick together as the song goes. So lots to look forward to. I'm excited for it. Yeah, can't wait. So tell us too, are you going off on the road like in speaking engagements or beyond your community? Is there any other ways people can show up and support you or work with you or?
Hilary Phelps (57:09.454)
I love her. Thanks.
Meghan Houle (57:23.55)
What are all the ways? Yeah. What do you got going on this year? Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (57:25.902)
Yeah, so one on one deep dives intimate work with women group coaching. So we have different cohorts and different groups that we work with. Sober curious and then women that identify as substance use disorders. So there's kind of a different and some women are just like, I don't like alcohol and I don't want to drink, but I don't know how to talk to my friends about it. And so then we have a holistic healing group, holistic wellness. And then looking to and as of late, I've gotten some
Meghan Houle (57:46.302)
Hilary Phelps (57:56.014)
conversations around like divorce support group, like women going through it. Cause I think that's, like you said, a lot of women are doing it and it's hard to, you know, friends are supportive and empathetic and love you and will do anything for you, but going through it's a different experience. and so that, and then, and then the court just, and then I speak and so I speak on, you know, recovery and speaking in Richmond this week. Yeah. I'm like, what's today?
Meghan Houle (58:11.326)
Yeah.
Meghan Houle (58:20.83)
You're like, where am I going next? Yeah. Where's the calendar? my God, I love you. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (58:25.39)
of speaking in Columbus in September, Arizona in September. Those are either on addictions or recovery or helping women find their voice. And so those are kind of the three spaces I talk, whether it's a nonprofit or talking in a drug court graduation for a woman this week, fundraisers, things like that. Yeah.
Meghan Houle (58:28.414)
Have some fun.
Meghan Houle (58:41.662)
Yeah. Wow.
I love it. Well, before I let you go for anyone listening in, looking for final words of advice, inspiration from you, what would you say to someone looking to pivot with purpose right now, whether it be a job, bad relationship, if someone's really looking to make a meaningful change, what advice would you give them to just start?
Hilary Phelps (59:10.83)
I would give them that just get quiet and figure out what it is you want, right? Because if you think of this, you know, live the life for you, because if we're not happy, nobody else benefits from anything that we do. And so if we come from that purposeful life, whether in whatever, whether it's a job, a relationship, anything, we feel more fulfilled and other people feel that.
And so I think that first voice is like really figuring out what brings you joy and happiness and that flow that you described. So you're not trying to fit the square peg in the round hole. And so let's get quiet and figure out what you like, what you want, because that's okay. And we deserve to feel it. Yeah.
Meghan Houle (59:49.15)
Yeah. no, it's, heck yeah. And for all those listening into the podcast, definitely share and tag Hillary and I if you are getting quiet with yourself, how those routines or new rituals are coming in. And my gosh, we'll link all the ways to find you, Hillary, and through the Right Room Official and your Instagram for both of your businesses, ways people can work with you.
Everyone, please go into the show notes, like check out Hillary, connect with her if you feel like her work is something that is definitely the right path of investment for you next. As we've been talking, investing in a coach or someone who can help you get from here to there is probably the best thing I've ever done. And we don't have to do it alone. And it's so amazing. You have so many different tiers and levels and layers that people can work with you. So, my gosh, I'm...
Hilary Phelps (01:00:46.734)
Thank you.
Meghan Houle (01:00:47.838)
So grateful to know you now and to have you be in my universe. So as I always say, it's very hard to shake Megan Hool. Like once you got her, like you can't shake me Hillary. So stay tuned for more connections and fun things. And I don't know, maybe there'll be like a fun event or conference. We'll bring you to Boston. Like we got an IRL meetings are like my jam these days too. Yeah. I love the in -person connections. So totally. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (01:00:50.638)
Thank you. Thank you, Sophie.
Hilary Phelps (01:00:59.822)
I love that.
Hilary Phelps (01:01:07.982)
me too. Me too. I love that. Me too. There's a different energy and just a different connection there. I love that. I'm in. We're in DC. Get you to come to DC.
Meghan Houle (01:01:17.95)
Yeah. All right. Yes, I will. No, I mean, we're owed a trip. I feel like, you know, this time of year with the summer, we have family members that were just down in DC and it was like, my God, it's like a million degrees. We're all like complaining now in the Northeast because it's like, it's hot. I'm like, well, it's summer, but not as hot as other places. But we will have an IRL meetup. It's going to be amazing. So I can't wait. So thank you for everything. And thank you for sharing your beautiful story. And stay tuned for more Tea to Spill. Yeah.
Hilary Phelps (01:01:37.07)
Love it. Let's do it.
Hilary Phelps (01:01:46.245)
Love that. All right. Bye.
Meghan Houle (01:01:47.582)
Thank you. Bye.